I just looked up today
And realized how far away I am from where You are
You gave me life worth dying for
But between the altar and the door
I bought the lies that promised more
And here I go again


Lord, I know I let You down
But somehow, I will make You proud
I'll turn this sinking ship around
And make it back to You
But all my deeds and my good name
Are just dirty rags that tear and strain
To cover all my guilty stains
That You already washed away


('Cause) All You've ever wanted, all You've ever wanted
All You've ever wanted was my heart
Freedom's arms are open, my chains have all been broken
Relentless love has called me from the start
And all You wanted was my heart


I was chasing healing when I'd been made well
I was fighting battles when You conquered hell
Living free but from a prison cell
Lord, I lay it down today


So I'll stop living off of how I feel
And start standing on Your truth revealed
Jesus is my strength, my shield
And He will never fail me
No more chains, I've been set free
No more fighting battles You've won for me
Now in Christ, I stand complete

There have been occasions in my life where I feel empty. It's funny, well maybe not that funny, how school, work, holidays, even friends and family can't fill you up. No amount of money in my bank account, no amount of good deeds, or perfect test scores can satisfy my soul.

There's a reason why Jesus tells the woman at the well that she can receive living water from him. It's the perfect analogy for what goes on in our hearts and our souls. There are times when my mouth is dry because I am so thirsty. Especially when I wake up. Then, once I drink a glass of water, my mouth and my stomach are hydrated once again. Even a drop of water or small sip can change the texture of my tongue from sandpaper to moist.

When I go a day without prayer, without sitting down in a quiet spot with the Lord, without singing songs of praise, without reading from scripture, my soul feels so empty and dry; like my stomach without water.

I'm not sure if you've ever read the story about Jesus and the woman at the well, but you should check it out. (John 4) It's beautiful. Jesus was a wise man and using the metaphor living water to describe how his grace and mercy gives us life is simply perfect.

Living water. Typing that out refreshes me. I get so caught up in this world sometimes. I forget that good deeds, kind words, and hard work won't cover my dirty stains caused by sin. The song lyrics above really brought about this post that I'm writing. It connects so well with what is going on in my heart. "I was chasing healing when I'd been made well, I was fighting battles when you conquered hell, Living free but from a prison cell, Lord, I lay it down today." I have forgotten that the battle has been won. The good fight, though it is still waged, has ultimately been won. I battle the dumbest things compared to the battle Jesus fought, and won.

Eventually, you have to stop and realize that you're afraid, that fear has entangled your heart, but you have no reason to fear. Fear holds us back from the amazing things God has given us. Fear has kept me from helping others and loving others to the fullest. Fear puts up walls around my heart. In all honesty, I'm afraid of a lot of things. But today I remember that I have been set free and his living water is bubbling up out of me, his armor covers my body, and my heart rejoices because the good fight has been won. Today, the walls around my heart must come down. There's more than enough grace for that.