Unsatisfied

That feeling of unhappiness rises up in my chest. I’ve been let down again. It feels like there’s no room for my heart to beat; I’m filled to the brim with unsatisfaction. Instead of seeking out the lord I pick up my phone and play a game of candy crush and temple run. I pin and pin again on pinterest. I seek out whoever I have hurt or whoever has hurt me to fix what has happened on my own. I whisper a small prayer to God not acknowledging his presence and seeking his wisdom. I don’t find a secret place to communicate with him, I seek out the world; the world of sin, of evil, of all things that hurt me and cause destruction. I ask for forgiveness, half heartedly. I seek the comfort of a kid’s movie and hot tea but not the word of God. And then the pain is too much so I ask him what I am doing wrong and if he can reveal to me how I have become the monster I’ve become and he speaks one word to me: idolatry, the worship of something other than God; the devotion to something other than my savior.


Idolatry of anything other than God, people, clothes, beauty, sex(such as porn), music, books, marriage, your phone, other religions, friendships all lead to destruction. I was reading through Romans and Romans 1 talks about idolatry leading to homosexuality. It leads to brokenness. It leads to loneliness and anger and envy. God alone can fill our hearts. We were not designed to worship anything other than him. 1 Corinthians 10:14 warns us by saying, “So, dear friends, carefully avoid idol-worship of every kind.” When I thought of idolatry I pictured people from the Old Testament bowing down to a Golden ox. But God has whispered to my heart revealing to me that my bitterness comes not from people and this world but from my idolizing them. It comes from my lack of giving ALL of my worship to him. It comes from having too high of expectations, from seeking satisfaction from this world over satisfaction of a relationship with the prince of peace.


A man or a woman isn’t going to fill up our souls. It can’t breathe life into us. God created relationships to be gifts. To love selflessly. To give good to the people you love. (Husbands, wives, children, boyfriend, girlfriend, friends.) When we begin to idolize people we expect them to fill us up. We become needy. We go against true love. What happens when we seek a love from the father and we worship him alone? This happens: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This is how what I want my heart to reflect. And it will only reflect that when I put my heart into his hands. I don’t want only to say the words I love you to my loved ones , I want them to see it in my actions. Thank you Jesus that you love me and can change my heart.


So if today you feel lonely and lost ask God if maybe you’re idolizing things of this world and not giving your heart to him alone. I know it’s hard to think that there could be idolatry in our culture today but that’s exactly what the devil wants us to believe. He wants to use the little things we do and enoy to steal us away and destroy who God has created us to be. Thankfully we have a loving and forgiving God who gently guides and loves us with a power we will never fully understand. Nothing we do can separate us from him. So wherever you are in your walk, he’s waiting to talk to you, to bring you joy, to give you, yes you, an AMAZING life. No matter how badly you’ve messed up, there is no sin that can keep you from his presence. I’ve messed up…a lot! But his mercy is beautiful and powerful. He is a kind daddy.


Father, Forgive me of the sin of idolatry. Forgive me for putting anything above you. Lord, I pray your spirit will fill the deepest depths of my heart and I will worship you alone. Reveal to me the idols I have worshiped. Lord, change my heart so that it desires you alone. Wash away the guilt with your blood and give me life. You are strong, you are good, you are mine; and I am yours. Your little girl who looks to you alone.